Trapped Inside
by PixieGirl17
Summary: A oneshot based on Johan Krauss. Simply a backstory as to how he got in the suit and the woman he loved which we know so little about. Until now...


**Disclaimer: **I do not own Hellboy

A/N: Hey guys! I decided to do a few one-shots for some of the characters of Hellboy. I hope you enjoy and I promise I will be updating **Hellgirl **soon. I'm just busy with life in general and other stories I'm working on but I hope you enjoy this! Thanks for clicking onto here and even considering reading this. Remember to R&R!

Trapped Inside

For **metal-firetamer91**

_If you were ever human that time is long gone..._Those words hit him harder than any other insult that Miss Sherman's significant other had thrown at him for the past few days and that young man was incredibly crude, despite the man who had raised him. They hit him harder simply because she was attacking the one reason why he was trapped in this suit. It reminded him of the tragedy which not only took away his humanity but also the reason why he had lost the woman he loved. He could even see the reason why she said what she said. He knew what she felt all too well. As Elizabeth Sherman stormed out the room all Johan Krauss could do was stand there and watch her walk away. There was nothing he could do to make her take back those words. He had to admit that if he was in the same position he would probably react in the same way. He was never an emotional man back in the time when he was 'human'. He never let emotions get the best of him since he looked around and saw what happened when he did. But when he met Adelaide...Everything changed then. He didn't know what happened to him. Love? He always thought he was too sensible for something like love.

She watched Miss Sherman march down the corridor and knew what burned in her eyes. He knew what it was like to love another more than yourself and above all those other principles you should hold onto, even if put that loved ones life in danger. If he had the option of being able to go back then he would have done and he would have saved her life but if that was in exchange for his own then that would be fine. If she would have to be confined to the life he had now he would leave things as they were. She was too free for such a life. He wished he could say that the last time he saw his loved one she had the same expression of disappointment and heartbreak as she had on her face for the sake of empathy but he would be lying. The truth was she had such a look of love and devotion on her face as she gazed into his eyes it broke his heart. The reason as to why he was trapped in the suit was the same reason he had lost her. His Adelaide. He remembered her face so well. The picture of her in his mind was as clear as Elizabeth Sherman's however she was nothing like her. Elizabeth Sherman had dark hair, dark eyes, a pale face and a petite figure in size and height. Adelaide had golden blonde, long locks. Her eyes were the brightest blue. She had rosy cheeks, was tall and had a voluptuous figure. She was beautiful. His angel.

As he watched Elizabeth Sherman walk away he gripped the little pouch in his pocket which contained two rings. One which was to be given to Adelaide. Correction, it was supposed to be given to Adelaide. However as a result of his miscalculations and giving into his desires for only a moment, this was never allowed happened. When he was asked whether she should be brought he said let her go. _I know the pain she feels all too well._ Whenever he felt lost, or whether he had done something wrong, he always gripped onto those rings as if he was speaking to her. As if he was asking her for guidance. She always knew best, sometimes she knew what he needed more than he did. There were a lot of things which he missed from being human. One of things mainly being sleep. It's a sad thing to never be able to dream since he would have hoped that he would be able to visit her sometimes. Then again it could be a blessing in disguise as it would be more likely that he would only have nightmares about her death. Never being able to see her again was a lot better than being haunted by her. If he still had his eyes he would have closed them by now in attempt to banish the thoughts and memories which were about to return to haunt him but to some extent Miss Sherman was right. He wasn't exactly all human any more.

He should have been grateful for a second chance, for a chance to live forever but he almost hated every moment of it. The work that he did was the only way for him to be able to cope with it all otherwise he would have 'cut the cord' as it were long before now. He knew what it was like to feel helpless and unable to do anything about it when your loved one was dying. It wasn't until years later he would tell the the story which he hid from others. It was mainly because he wasn't able to face it himself before that time and it was difficult enough for him to be able to do that or to be able to face something which affected him emotionally when he couldn't even cry. He knew he couldn't cry because he wasn't trapped inside a human body when such things were possible but still as he was able to go in and out of the suit built by the late, amazing and intelligent Prof. Broom he still felt trapped. He wasn't allowed all the things which came with being human, he was given the gift of immortality but he wasn't able to have everything he once had because of that. He wished he could turn back the clocks and make everything right again. He wished that Adelaide could still be here. He was the only woman he ever did or ever could love. Such things were not possible now and he was all the more glad for it. If he ever loved or tried to give his heart to another person he would feel like he was betraying her.

There was once a time when Johan Krauss was whole. There was once a time when he was human. He could remember being able to feel things when he touched them or shake someone's hand. He was able to see things in such an amazing way there were no words which could be adequate to describe the experience, but then again it was something humans were never supposed to experience at all. He could remember the days, years when he was a human man, one with dreams and ambitions. That was the beauty of being human because you were able to have limits but in your mind, in your imagination limits did not exist. With the state that he was in now, even limits were becoming a non-existent concept. This was why he continued with the studies which he had started all those years ago when he had a body. To some extent he was still providing his services to others. Almost like he was given a second chance at doing something useful for humanity rather than being ridiculed by it. He recalled those years with great distaste and with great reluctance. He hated the thought of being ridiculed for his mere ideas. Sometimes he was glad that he was no longer human. He never really achieved anything when he was 'alive'. But then again he was still human.

It was only once you ceased being remotely humanistic you began to miss the little things. He supposed it was like when you went to war you missed the things you took for granted when you were at home. Or when you lost the person you loved you always recalled those tiny details. Like how they smiled, the ways they would twist their hair round their finger or how they always sang in the morning. He had blood running in his veins. He had a heartbeat. He had skin as smooth as silk, apparently. This was merely one of the affectionate comments made by Adelaide in her diaries when he shamelessly read them after her death in case there was something in there which she may have noted which could have also been the reason for her death. When he was truly a man. When he first laid eyes on her he was in love and he knew what it was like to truly be a man and be human. When Elizabeth Sherman told him that the time when he was human was long gone he had to admit it did hurt him a little. It made the pain of losing Adelaide come back to him. That unbearable pain which still haunted him to this day. He was liberated and restricted in the body he now inhabited, if it could even be called a body. Everyone would think eternal life was a wonderful concept. However it was a curse. One day, Hellboy and Abraham Sapien would soon discover this curse. He just hoped that the realisation of that wouldn't be as terrible for them as it was for him.

He couldn't help it now. His mind was taking him back to when it all happened. To the reason why he still remained to be drifting amongst the living like some kind of ghost, which was what he effectively was, despite the lack of scientific terminology. He never liked to think about this memory. It was the happiest day of his life but in turn it would lead him to the worst day of his life. From when he found what he had always needed to when he would lose it because of his own foolish ambitions. He went back to the day when he first met Adelaide. He loved the sound of her name. It rolled off his tongue like the ringing bells from the church on a Sunday morning. He was an up and coming scientist and was building a time travelling machine with the help of Prof. Broom who really seemed to be the only one who believed in his invention. Everyone else laughed at him. The concept was one which only belonged in Science Fiction novels. He was naturally fascinated by the concept with this however of course he had his concerns as always. A wise man was always one who looked around in awareness. Something which would carry on being a motto of his when it came to his adopted son. He met him when he was inquiring into some diaries of a nun in the Seventeenth Century, Johan was looking for a book on chaos theory and the two struck up a conversation.

As for Adelaide, Johan needed an assistant and an old Professor of his who taught him in Brussels recommended that his daughter should be his assistant. He was a little hesitant to everyone's surprise, since no one person could do everything and most researchers loved having an assistant to exert their knowledge over along with having them to do all the little annoying tasks to do for them. Johan considered declining this but the Professor was very insistent and also it saved the whole trouble with interviews and if he got one right away he would be able to start his research. He thanked a God he wasn't sure whether to believe in to be saved from the dreaded interviews. He didn't know much about the girl only that her mother died when she was young and her father never remarried. He wasn't prepared, however, for her beauty and the fact that he would eventually fall in love with her. It was a reasonably normal day when he first met her. He was just walking through the lab which he had been provided with for the research when he heard a knock on the door. He turned around and found a young woman in her early twenties standing in the door way in a suit.

"Hello." She greeted in an Austrian accent. "I am Adelaide Hahn. I am your assistant."

"Of course." He said finally after staring at her wordlessly. He was so flustered when he offered her a seat and a drink.

"I hope you are alright with my lack of qualifications, Mr Krauss. I'm sorry. Dr Krauss." She corrected herself.

He chuckled. "Not at all. I was quite impressed with your qualifications. They are better than most people who would qualify for this job."

Adelaide Hahn had actually studied at the University of Milan in Physics which was better than most women her age and in the times they were living in.

"And I know there must be no doubt about your intelligence since I can see you are your father's daughter."

This made her smile warmly and her eyes sparkle. "I like to hope that I can be a brilliant as my father or at least make him proud one day."

"I am sure he already is proud of you, Miss Hahn. I would be."

The young woman blushed and took a sip of her tea. "Well I would very much like to see your

plans for this...device you are building, Dr Krauss. If you are alright with-"

"Of course. Of course. It is very reminiscent of me not to do this in the first place." He laughed uncomfortably.

He had never felt this way around another person, let alone a woman before but then again the closest he had ever gotten to another female was his mother, aunts, grandmother and so forth. So you could imagine how uncomfortable he was around Miss Hahn. He showed her the plans which she seemed fascinated by and asked various, intelligent questions about the dynamics of the model which they were building. Her eyes danced across the pages like a child looking over a book of fairy tales. He had never seen someone be so fascinated with something he had constructed from his own imagination. Most of his colleagues were laughing at him when he showed them his theories or plans for a big project. Women her age were more interested in fashion whereas she was more spellbound by numbers and formulas. She asked after what his formulas were, the origins of his theory. Whether he had considered what this scientist or that scientist thought on the subject. By the evening he knew she was nothing short of being an intelligent, modern woman. This was the first thing he knew deep down he loved about her. He never had that much experience with women as he was more concerned with his studies so he never gave any thought to what sort of woman he would be interested in. He knew from the way she talked and interacted with him that he would first of all appreciate a woman with some intelligence.

"Morning, Dr Krauss." She said on their first day. "How did you sleep?"

He yawned giving her his answer. She laughed at this in a good-hearted manner and hoped that he wouldn't take offence at this but instead smirked, almost as if he was glad that he amused her. She had to admit, she worried about him sometimes. She hardly knew him and as far as their relationship was concerned it was strictly professional but at times she felt like a housewife who was constantly worrying about her husband putting his work before his health. Dr Krauss sometimes reminded her of her father. There was times when he would be up all night working on some equation or new discovery rather then getting some sleep so that he would have the energy to try again the next day. Still she knew she had to remain silent about these things since it would never be her place to voice her concerns. Dr Krauss on the other hand had no objections to the way that she worked. She had a very straight forward method of working. She kept everything neat and tidy. She never left the checks or filling out the paperwork until later. It had to be done and it might as well be done now. It seemed that this was her motto.

"So, Miss Hahn are you...engaged to anyone?" He asked one day conversationally.

She didn't seem discomforted by this question as she replied simply. "No."

"No one?"

"I had no time to have a boyfriend during my studies, Dr Krauss. I went straight to my room and did my homework. I very rarely ventured off campus."

"You sound as diligent as I was." He replied making her laugh.

As the days went by which allowed Johan to get to know Adelaide he was able to appreciate some 'sterling' qualities in her personality. This was the second thing he came to appreciate about Adelaide Hahn. She was a true scholar. This was something that not even many of his students had, let alone most women. He didn't mean to hammer on about social stereotypes but she was really an unusual woman for the age that she lived in and if anything he admired her for it. It was also nice to be in the company of a fellow non-conformist. He could also tell that she really believed in what he was researching which was something which didn't exact occur very often in his life let alone in his career. She wasn't just being here for the sake of it nor was she being forced into doing this by her father. She came her because she wanted to be here and she was genuinely interested in the work he was doing. She was hard-working which could only mean that she was passionate about her work and his project. She wanted to do the best that she could with the task at hand and she would be able to say in the end _I did that. I was responsible for that _and feel proud of herself. Not in a bad way but in the way that she knew she had amounted to something. However from birth Adelaide Hahn was going to amount to something great. He knew he was speaking the truth when he said that she was her father's daughter.

"Have you ever been in a relationship, Dr Krauss?" She asked a few weeks later.

Johan almost spit out his coffee and shook his head. "No. Never."

"Really?" She asked in a surprised tone. Johan looked up with a curious expression on his face.

"Why?"

She shrugged her shoulders. "Well I would've thought that you may have had some...If you don't mind me saying Dr Krauss you are not a bad looking man."

He laughed nervously. "Believe me, no man minds hearing that. Thank you. Sorry. Yes. Thank you for the compliment."

That was the third thing he loved about her. Her honesty. Not many women had this quality. Some loved to lie, others were simply afraid of telling the truth and postponed it until a bad time and almost to the point where you could even trust them to be loyal and honest with you. She wasn't afraid to keep back the truth and it wasn't just things like that it was also about the project if there was something she had concerns about or something she wasn't entirely sure about then she wouldn't hesitate to say something. She was an independent women with her life ahead of her. She couldn't afford to hesitate with the short life human beings led. Most women wouldn't want to butt in but she wasn't most women. She was different. Unique. She was nothing like any woman he had met before. Not that he had met many anyway. Not a lot of women had a degree under their belt. She was nothing like the women of her past, she didn't allow convention to hold her back. She was more than willing to be herself and nothing else. Johan was all the better for it because he loved who she was. If she was one of those women who didn't have a university degree and only cared about floral arrangements then Johan would smile politely and say thank you thinking nothing of it. With her he revised his whole theory or formula or design that night and came back with a completely different formula the next day.

As his feelings grew he remembered something his mother gave to him before she died. She gave him two rings she always kept in a emerald green, velvet pouch. On her deathbed she bequeathed him the rings, making him promise that one day when he would find the one that he loved she would give them to her as they were given to his mother. He never thought that this would be a possibility but since he met Adelaide that was beginning to change. He realised that maybe there was a chance that he may fall in love with someone one day and that person was her. After a while he began to carry that pouch in his coat pocket and would reach into it sometimes feeling the soft sensation of velvet beneath his fingers. He would look over at Adelaide and wonder what her hair between his finger tips would feel like. He blushed at the thought and looked away. He had sleepless nights thinking about the texture of her skin. It looked as smooth as marble but as soft as silk. He always appreciated her beauty. He knew it the moment she walked through the door that she was beautiful. The last thing which made him realised he undeniably loved him was that she was caring. One night they were working late but he dismissed her at her usual time. She held no objections to this until this one day where she stopped in front of his desk and placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Johan."

It was the first time she used his first name and it made the hairs on the back of his neck stand on their ends. He loved the way she said his name. Johan.

"Shouldn't you be going home as well?"

He rubbed his eyes. "No. Not yet. I still have this to worry about."

"Look I always notice that you've been tired every morning and I don't know when you leave the lab but I can only presume that its late. Please. Just...you need a good nights sleep. We're about to try the machine tomorrow." She reasoned.

"Yes, which is why I need to-"

She snatched the papers from him and held them up. "Please. Go home, Johan."

It took him a few moments to realise that the papers were no longer in his hands which made Adelaide roll her eyes and convinced her even more that he really needed to rest for at least a full night. Not in the lab where temptation was too close. He stared up at her, not believing that his own assistant was ordering him around but at the same time he was slightly at awe at her having the confidence to talk to her employer like this. He knew she could be assertive but she knew her place. She had been polite up to this point, she had never voiced her concerns until now. He wasn't even aware that she was concerned about him in any respect for that matter. She was respectful towards him and when she made suggestions she made no hesitations but this was almost going overboard. He hesitantly got up from his seat and walked around the desk. He reached forward for the papers which she swiftly moved from his grasp and soon there seemed to be a fight going across the entire lab. Things were being pushed off tables. Papers were flying everywhere and eventually, somehow, for some reason he pined her against wall. They were both unable to know what to do in this situation. His deep brown eyes met her bright blue globes. His lips slowly edged towards hers with his eyes still open. When his lips met hers the world exploded. Their lips moved away from one another slowly. When Adelaide opened her eyes she looked astonished.

She cleared her throat. "Johan."

Then something distracted them both. A noise came from the machine and they both saw it turning on but what it was doing didn't sound healthy. She was about to run toward it but he pushed her back.

"Don't!"

In the midst of them rushing around the lab in their passion they must've pressed a button or switched something on without realising. They looked at one another uneasily, not only feeling embarrassed but also were worried whether this would not only damage their results and research but also the lab. He couldn't believe that his greatest folly would be a result of the one thing he had been depriving himself of for so long. Even Professor Broom, a man he showed great respect for was chastising him over this issue. That was the last thing he would have thought would come out of that man's mouth whenever he would voice some concern over his well-being. His academic well-being, yes. But his love life, not in a million years. He ran towards it and tried to switch it off but before he could touch a button there was a massive explosion which threw him back and he heard a scream, which he could only presume came from Adelaide out of fright and horror, from behind him. He tried to get to his feet but he found that he couldn't move. He could feel Adelaide's voice brushing against his ear but couldn't hear what she was saying as all he could hear was static noise. He stared down at his body and the rest of his body looked dead. He looked over at Adelaide who was making her way towards him.

"No. Adelaide. Don't!"

"Johan." She sobbed.

In that last moment, he knew. He knew he had to hold onto this immediate present as much as he could since he would never have another one like this again. He knew that he was never going to see her again. She took his face in her hands and stroked his cheek. She smiled sadly and brought his lips to hers for the last time. He knew what he was thinking about was a little inappropriate but he wished that they had kissed more, he wished that he had hugged her, he wished that he had married her, laid with her, had children with her, he wished that he could have had with a life with her. He wished for too much. Was that so bad? Was that so unreasonable a request? He stared at her and paid no mind to the machine which was about to let off another explosion. One which would most certainly kill them. Adelaide's eyes widened and he craned his neck back to see what was happened. When he could see more energy waiting to burst out the machine he implored her to get away. She shook her head frantically. She was telling him that she couldn't leave. She would never leave without him. _I won't leave you alone. I would never let you die alone. I would never die without you. _He tried to pick him up but then another wave of energy came towards them and all Johan could remember was a mixture of explosions, screaming and his voice calling out Adelaide's name. Then everything went black.

~ (***) ~

He woke up. Or maybe he was dreaming. He wasn't very sure. Everything was blurry at first. It was like he was in a dream or maybe he was dead. He was never entirely sure about it when he looked back at that first experience. He didn't know whether he was dead or whether there really was an afterlife. He didn't even contemplate an afterlife, he was a radical scientist but a scientist nonetheless. After a while things were strangely distorted. He had laid there for long enough to know that he was neither dead nor dreaming. So he must have been alive, all those terrible things must have happened. Then he called out to Adelaide but he heard no reply. He called out until his voice was coarse. Although that was the strange thing. He didn't seem to have a voice. It was like he could see everything all at once, feel everything all at once, but he sound see things more closely, everything was intensified. All his senses were sharper. He called out to someone. Anyone. He didn't know what else to do. He was sure that he heard a reply but it sounded distant and familiar. He wasn't entirely sure who it was though.

After a while things just faded in and out of consciousness. It was like he had been knocked out so badly he could not remain awake for too long, or maybe he was incredibly tired. He knew he had caused himself some terrible injuries in the accident and he must have hit his head but he didn't know they were this bad. The more he woke the more things became clearer. The more he was able to see things as they were. It was strange he was sure he saw some familiar faces in his lab for a while but he really wasn't sure. It was almost like he was a ghost. He could hear more voices every time he woke up again and then he saw something. He saw something chasing him. It was like a pair of metal hands or something like that. He ran away in fear, not knowing what it was and kept going until he had no energy left. He wasn't sure about what he was being put through at the moment. He was certain about one thing though, not the trust anything or anyone. Everything had changed now. That was the last time he went back to sleep the next time he awoke he found himself being greeted by an old friend.

"Johan?"

He groaned and looked up to see Professor Broom once everything cleared away. "Trevor."

The old friend smiled. "Good. You remember...I don't know how to tell you this but...You had an accident..."


End file.
